|
|
|
Newsletters
printer friendly version -
email to a friend -
previous newsletters - Newsletter
Signup
Lending a Hand to Make a Difference
|
| Manage the Stressors and Enjoy
Your Holidays
|
The Holiday Season, for many, can be very stressful. When you experience any
kind of stress, no matter what the occasion, you are reacting to a root cause.
Ask yourself the following questions:
What am I truly experiencing inside? In Spirit, Mind, Body and especially
Emotions?
Am I angry about something not going a certain way or someone not doing or
behaving a certain way?
Am I afraid of an imagined outcome?
Is it a control issue over a person, place, thing, or outcome that is stressing
me?
Am I stressed about gift giving and the extra expense I will incur on a
strained budget?
Am I stretching my self too thin and running my self ragged doing too much and
trying to please everyone?
What can I do at this very moment, NOW, in order to make this Holiday Season a
great one?
|
Being entirely honest with oneself is
a good exercise.
Freud, Sigmund
|
The most common causes that lead to stress have to do with the following core
issues:
|
|
November 2003 Newsletter
"To create the world's leading Internet
community for the pursuit of personal development and deliver outstanding
products and services to our clients and partners worldwide"
New... Evolved... Revolutionary...
So Much Information
@ Your Fingertips!
|
|
|
Abandonment - Depression and sadness during the Holidays is
something that is more common than we would like to believe. To be alone during
the holidays because of a death, divorce, or distance can be very stressful and
emotionally painful. One of the best ways to overcome the results of
abandonment is to Meditate on your own wonderful qualities,
skills and talents and the many things you have to offer to so many. You might
also want to meditate on how to improve the areas you believe need improving
and make improving those areas goals for the New Year. Offer your skills and
talents to a neighbor, the elderly, those who are ill, or those more needy than
yourself. Whenever you extend your hand in order to help others, you will be
helping yourself as well. Every time you extend yourself to someone in need you
will be blessed by his or her gratitude and joy. This alone is worth living
for, and will bring great happiness during this season of giving.
Rejection - To be denied love, acceptance, and care during the
holidays from those whom you want it the most is stressful. If you are living
or working under these circumstances you may need to reevaluate the reasons why
you are still there. It could be that your Self-Worth, Self-Esteem and
Self-Image may come into question. Why do you stay? Is it that you believe
it is better to live with people who reject you than to live alone? Do you
believe this is the best you can get? Your Self-Worth and
Self-Esteem are Beliefs you have about yourself and those
beliefs design your Self-Image. Check your Beliefs about
yourself and what you deserve in life. Do they work for you or against you?
What you believe is a result of your all your past experiences
and relationships. Go within and Meditate on any past experience or
relationship that you believe resulted in the lowering of your
Self-Worth and Self-Esteem, and mentally CHANGE IT into something more positive
and empowering! Mentally bring the changes with you into your present and then
imagine the changes playing a positive role in your future. Begin to live AS IF
you now have a great Self-Image due to a very high Self-Worth and Self-Esteem.
Start with loving, accepting and caring for you first, and others will follow.
|
"You can change your beliefs so they
empower your dreams and desires. Create a strong belief in yourself and what
you want."
-- Marcia Wieder
|
Hopelessness - To live with situations that cause despairs, or
are impossible to solve, or cure can lead to stress. Every time you think of
those things that lead to hopelessness, immediately STOP and instead think and
project positive thoughts and images to those involved, the Universe, and/or
God. The very least you can do about situations you feel hopeless in is to
imagine the best possible outcome for all those involved. Meditate daily on
those positive outcomes and know that you are doing what you can in order to
make it better.
|
"We must accept finite
disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."
Martin Luther King, Jr.
|
Helplessness - To be/feel weak, incompetent, powerless also
leads to stress. There are many situations where a person is helpless because
of size, strength, resources, conditions and/or consequences. Yet, in many of
those situations, acquiring the proper resources such as skills, talents, quick
thinking, education and intuition will empower you in a way that will allow you
make better choices and decisions. This will help you overcome the feeling of
helplessness. Unless you are using being/feeling helpless for some personal
gain, it is usually something you can eliminate.
Control - One of the greatest stressors is the need to have
control over everything. This is often true during the Holiday Season. Having
to get the perfect gift for everyone on your list; wear the perfect outfit for
an evening out; throw the perfect party, and have everyone behave a certain way
are just a few of the demands we make on ourselves and others that are
impossible to meet all of the time. These type of addictions to having to have
everything under your control, demands and expectations are not always
satisfied, and when they aren't it makes us angry. Anger often results from not
being able to control everything, and fear is the result of not knowing how
things, out of your control, will turn out. It's about time to let go. Make
your plans, and whatever happens after that will generally turn out just fine.
Accept people, especially those you love, for who and how they are. You cannot
control everyone all the time and why should you, or even want to. Why do you
want to be with someone you feel you need to change, or control? Accepting
people for who and how they are and seeing the beauty in them when they are
being themselves freely, opens the door for them to see you in the same light.
When a core issue is being triggered, the mere fact that it is being triggered
means that it is something that is related to some aspect of your past. For
example, when was the first time you felt abandoned? The answer could lie in
something as simple as your parents going out to dinner and leaving you behind,
or as serious as being left in front of someone's doorstep as an infant. The
reality is, you might not even remember the actual past event, and yet the
experience of abandonment was so deeply impressed that it resulted in an issue
that is still being triggered today.
When was the first time you felt rejected? Someone could have praised your
sibling, and not you. Maybe you were passed up at school and not picked to play
in a sports team, or the only one in your class not to be invited to a party.
When did you first experience the feeling of hopelessness? Something like
wanting the latest bike for your birthday, but your family not having the money
to buy it for you could have led to a feeling of hopelessness. Wanting to try
out for a certain sport, but you have a physical handicap can also lead to
hopelessness.
When did you first experience the feeling of helplessness? For some people,
having been physically overpowered by someone much bigger than they could have
led to a feeling helplessness. Seeing someone you know suffer and not being
able to help them can also lead to helplessness.
When did you first experience the feeling of frustration for not getting your
way or having full control over a situation? Being made to go to your room as a
punishment from a parent makes a child feel that they have no control. Being
told how to think, speak, believe, and behave could lead to a feeling of not
being in control. In time this could also lead to a strong desire to want to
control others and situations.
The point of the matter is that these emotions have to do with your past and
can cause plenty of stress. They were impressed when you were probably very
young and did not have the necessary resources to handle them. Today you may
feel that you are all grown up physically, intellectually, spiritually and
emotionally, but the moment you are face to face with a trigger, the snowball
effect begins. First, you experience the shift from comfort to stress with a
knotted feeling in the pit of your stomach; then your mind begins to fill with
sabotaging thoughts and negative feelings linked to issues of your past;
followed by the cluster of physical changes due to the triggering of the Fight
or Flight Response; and then the expression of the stress itself in the form of
a reaction that resembles a "Child" who is angry, afraid or hurt.
Get a grip on stress. The moment you begin to feel that you are shifting
towards stress or are aware of the stress, do the following:
-
Stop, close your eyes, take a deep breath, exhale, and tell yourself mentally
"Relax" and get in control. Do this 1, 2, or 3 times.
Counting from 10 - 1 slowly also helps to manage stress helping to avoid
undesirable outcomes.
-
Identify the core issue being triggered and identify whether it makes you
angry, afraid or both.
Recognize that those feelings are part of unresolved past issues and are
spilling over to the present.
-
Separate yourself from that "past you" (Unresourceful child). Allow the "Adult
You" to handle the situation resourcefully, fairly, and appropriately.
|
"An agitated mind can never find the
answers which belong to a settled and quiet mind."
-- Vernon Howard
|
Don't let anger, fear, insecurities, exhaustion, negative feelings and control
issues get in the way of having a wonderful Holiday Season. You are in control
of just you. This means you are in control of your thoughts, beliefs and
behaviors. Let them work for you this Holiday Season. Enjoy!
Related MicroCourse & CD
Stress
Management Strategy
By
Laura Silva Quesada
|
|
|
